I can't believe I haven't been here in almost 6 months, given that my last entry was somewhere near the Ondoy incident. Has it really been that long?

I... don't know what to say. Well, actually, I do, but I don't know where to start. So much has changed, and I've only limited space (or attention-span of my readers) to share it with. I guess, this is one of the most eventful six months I've ever experienced--so far. It's the six months that brought me back to reality, and had be knocking on the door called future.

These past few months, I could say I found myself--and at the same time, I've lost part of me. I found myself through the decisions I had to make, and through the events I've gone through. I lost a bit of my childhood self that leaves problems adrift, and all the like. I guess I'm growing up, and I'm only packing what I need for the journey.

I'll go with the usual system: say what's on your mind.

Well, just now, I finished the J-Drama, 1 Litre of Tears which is this tragic story about a young girl with an incurable disease. It slowly progressed, disabling her body, her senses, and a bit of her soul, but in the end, she found peace. :) I've only shed 1mL of tears. :)) Pardon the joke.

As for college, well, I think I'm headed for the Ateneo de Manila University for the course BS Life Sciences. It's an honors course, accepting only the top 15% of all ACET (entrance exam) takers, so I'm pretty lucky.

College is... so exciting for me. I can't wait for the freedom, the people, the opportunities--the individuality. Poveda will always be my home, and leaving after 14 years does scare me, but in some ways, I think, "Finally!"

Ever since the college entrance results, I've been cruising through high school. Seniorities, my friends, is real and will attack you whenever it can. Heck, sometimes I don't even defend myself. But don't follow my example! Be a good student, always. After having a quick chat with two college kids just a while ago, I think one of the most valuable things I can keep with me from Poveda is my study habits.

It sounds so lame, doesn't it? :))

Well, other than that, I just had my second and last Poveda HS retreat. What can I say? It's been almost a week and I really miss it. I guess bullet form will do.

• Circle of affirmation - 4Awesome. I'm really surprised about what people said. :)
• room 204 -- M&J! :D
• snacks roooom.
• the fantastic view.
• 4A star-gazing. We brought blankets from downstairs and just stayed in the roof deck to gaze at the stars. Saw the big dipper and Orion's belt.
• Meeting a Stranger - Met Ate Katrina and her four children. :) Memorable experience.
• Retreat video - didn't sleep prior to this.
• palanca reading - much love <3. Brother's palancas, definitely memorable.
• God
• 4A

I think I've come to a point in life--where I really don't hope for things specifically anymore. I just take things as they go, and make the most of it. I don't know if I want things to change, or if I don't. I just know what  should do, and what I want to do. However life goes, it's all up to God.

Pardon me for being so Christian. :))

Hmm, what else. Well, I'm more than halfway through Pride and Prejudice. I have no idea why it's taking me so long to read. :)) I realized I love everyone in my family: my mom, my dad, my brothers... I realized that no one else can replace them, and I never ever want anyone to be replaced. I realized that they're probably the only forever I have on this world. :)

I realized the importance of time, and the importance of opportunity. You can't rush things, but you also can't slow things down. You can't be lazy and you can't jump into things. Life plays by those rules.

To be honest, it's a long journey, and I've only just started. I still have so many dreams to fulfill, so many things to learn, so many people to meet--and so much love to spread. I guess I've come to that age, where I just know what I want, and I can't wait to do it.


I can't wait to live.



Thank you, friends. :)
----

I really need to update everything around here.

I'm caught between editing the horrific grammar and "writing skillz" of seventh graders and how beauty was perceived in the previous era, according to Wollenstonecraft's A Vindication of Women's Rights.

I think the seventh grader's "skillz" are more unbearable.

Excerpt on what I'm doing? I'm editing their write-ups!

"[Name] is very intelligent but she does not brag about it even if she gets really high grades"

"[Name] is one of the dearest friends a girl could
ever have. She is the coconut-addicted, adorable, small but terrible
vice president of her class whose way of leading her class is utterly
magical. [name] puts the best into everything she does and is always
the neatest of the neat. Her hair always has the prettiest smell, like
baby oil with a hint of coconut.

She is one of the most entertaining dancers you will ever see
because of the cute little smile she gets on her face whenever she
dances. She is a very good singer as well. As a matter of fact, [name] is
very good at everything. She is responsible, trustworthy, loving, caring,
hardworking, generous, respectful and probably every good trait you
could think of. "

"[Name] is a fun, smart, and talkative friend.
She has so many Funny and nice drawings, when you see them you couldn’t believe that she drew them.
Isabella also has a good sense of humor. She likes to be with her friends have fun and laugh, Sometimes even make them laugh.
She Loves Listening to bands like: Boys like Girls, fall out Boy, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Cold Play , and Panic! at the disco."

Those are unedited. Holy... holy... Someone save our world!

The real challenge isn't to never start, but to stop even when you've got something going.
Ignorance is truly bliss, but a kind of bliss that renders inhuman. Life is meant to be lived, practicing true freedom, and true happiness.
Like what my user name proclaims (erratic-phobia), utterly random outbursts of fear as well as having no fear.
Sometimes it's good to let go. Let logic, reason, and rational thinking stay on your bedside desk for a while, but not too long.


You'll never know where fate takes you next.



No, I'm not dead. Sorry for those who worried. :)

I'm so devastated. Fortunately, the worst I experienced was not being able to get home--and I'm very thankful for the five households I crashed in along with ts0ki . THANK YOU BANANA! Thank you also vestige_reverie and lol_a_palooza for your hospitality! :)

For those who don't know: Last September 26, 2009, the Philippines was unfortunately visited by Ondoy, (international name: Ketsana) a very strong tropic storm. From 11AM to roughly 5PM, the whole of Metro Manila and other neighboring provinces were swamped by a massive volume of water. The city was sinking, thousands of houses were turned to pools, hundreds of roads were turned to rivers, and the rivers were turned to seas. This has been reported to be the most tragic flood in Philippine history since 1967. Even then, they experienced this flood within 24 hours whilst Ondoy drowned us in 6 hours. We experienced one month's worth of rainfall in less than a day! And until now, almost two days after the incident, thousands of families are hopeless, hungry, injuried or worse--still experiencing the flood of the century. The death toll is around 100, but it is expected to surge dramatically as more rescue times go about.

And trust me, I'm not even exaggerating.

FACTS ( I EXPERIENCED) THAT YOU NEED TO KNOW:

1. Ondoy brought nearly twice as much rainfall as hurricane Katrina's.
2. Thousand of houses were swept away. People are homeless, with no food, no family, and no hope. I am not joking!
3. Cars were freaking floating (check the videos).
4. Roads were impassible! (I couldn't even get home!)
5. In some places, waters reached above the head!
6. Some of those I know had to swim to reach shelter!
7. My neighbor passed away here! In this village!
8. Many people still cannot be contacted.
9. If you were here, you'd be receiving truckloads of messages to participate in DONATE, DONATE AND DONATE.
10. I thank international public figures like Demi Lovato, Neil Gaiman, HappySlip and many others for their support! :)

I, along with many others, experienced the flood first-hand. It is very very bad, and it is no joke. It's worse than Katrina. It was practically like Noah's Ark!

those nights when you tell yourself,
"Okay, I'm going to aim for 5 hours of sleep tonight."

An hour later:
"Okay, four hours."

An hour later: "Three hours."

Two hours later: "...an hour."

One hour later: "BAH, wag na nga."

I hate all-nighters. *sigh* GOODMORNING EVERYONE!

I HAVE TO FIX MY LIFE!

D:


Btw, I'm thinking of starting a photoblog on tumblr! What you think? :D

Today was a gloomy day for me. ( Lala~ )

SOUL:
You are intelligent and you think about life and philosophy and WHY to everything. A lot. But you are missing passion. You like to do creative things, but they of...ten lack the soul behind it. You can make people laugh and beat your friends in an IQ test, but when it comes to living life to the fullest you are lost, even though you think you aren't. You think you are right, but underneath of it all you are confused. You are only guided by your mind which often leads you astray, but your soul rarely reflects in your life. You like to work hard for things and you think you deserve them, but you sometimes wonder why you are where you are. You need direction for your persistent and determined personality, but you aren't sure where to get it.

I read the jealousy one. Maybe I should've gotten that.

I actually miss having a crush.

I miss that rush of hope. I miss those dreams. I miss the want. I miss the feeling of truly having someone or something to look forward to. I miss how I'd wake up in the middle of night to sigh in cloud seven. I miss how I felt like I had a reason to be happy--because I simply felt so strong about it. I miss not having the need to have a pep talk, or motivational speech--because I'd just feel it, and it'll be right. I miss having cold fingers and heightened breath at the sight of the name, or of a text, or IM, or picture. I miss forcing myself to spend the next hour or two awake. I miss feeling so nervous, but also, feeling so needed. I miss having someone on my mind the first moment I open my eyes. I miss falling asleep thinking of someone (and not school). I miss genuine love shivers. I miss being so fascinated. I miss being infatuated. I miss feeling strength surge through me instantaneously. I miss my mind immediately turning ON during conversations. I miss analyzing, deciphering and interpreting boy talk. I miss asking for advice from girls. I miss having boy problems. I miss questioning what's right for me, and what's not. I miss thinking of takas plans. I miss checking my cell phone 24/7. I miss re-reading conversations. I miss wondering what's going to happen on Feb 14. I miss taking Love comptaibility quizes. Or tutorials on how to "tell".I miss weak knees. I miss being genuinely embarrassed. I miss the want to get in touch. I miss my heart skipping. I miss promises of something great, and something assured. I miss playing the game. I miss grabbing the very next moment. I miss running. I miss freedom. I miss having a different sense of what's right and what's wrong. I miss feeling that I'm looking great. I miss being care-free. I miss having something to always look forward to--everyday. I miss hoping a little bit more than I should. I miss making excuses. I miss trying to convince myself that it was true and real. I miss floating in cloud seven. I miss the sound. I miss the look. I miss the beat. 

I miss it.
I miss every bit of it.

I miss the old times. I miss the drama, the tension, and the simplicity of it all.
I miss not holding back.
I miss being free.
I miss the idea.
I miss the reason.
I miss the passion.
I miss having more needs than wants.
I miss having a number one.
I miss being a number one.
I miss being needed.




But I missed the opportunity;
but I missed you.